Dating and Dior

Spring is finally here (even though snow flakes are coming down in Boston) and this hibernating bear is now ready to hunt.  I am kinda over the whole online thing especially since I feel too many creeps, assholes, sexaholics, and ,mentally disturbed men seem to find me.  Where am I going to find men, couldn’t tell ya.

In reviewing past posts I realize i seem to give the men too much power over the appearance of the date.  For instance, when Mr. Game Changer told me it was the best date ever and he got butterfly’s in his stomach from kissing me, these are two emotions I never got.  I didn’t walk away thinking it was the best date I just thought it was a good date and actually thought during the date we should have been just friends, and he wasn’t creepy.  After the kiss nothing jumped or moved in me at all.  I think I continued it because its good to get attention and I thought if I don’t get on board with these feelings I am going to miss out.  So I went in heart first, in reality it just never should have happened.  Between my instincts and little signs everything was pointing in the wrong direction, but I had to keep going because I didn’t want to miss out, I wanted to be in love again, and I wanted to be in a serious relationship.  In my mind I twist and bent as much as I could to make this happen, in reality it was nothing close to it.  I know it’s easy to say this in reflection but my friends and family were telling me since I got weird texts during the Christmas holiday to just leave it alone I didn’t and the whole thing went sour immediately.

I digress, the point is I know what I want and I know who I am and I know you can never make a guy fit into anything.  I now also realize my instincts are smarter than anything else I got and I have to trust them no matter what.  The power  begins and ends with me, and shall be reflected from that point here on out.

Disclosure: I wrote this at the beginning of December and held on to it, and I couldn’t tell you why.  Maybe out of the hope this would actually work out, as Miz Purple told me “You are crazy.  You always think things will end.  You are crazy.” I will discuss that with my therapist. Honestly, I really liked him and haven’t felt that way in a long time.  I had no cynicism or felt he lied about anything.  It felt good to know I could feel that way with a guy.  He made me feel beautiful without saying it at all.  It ended because our schedules were too different and I just didn’t fit in with his limited time, or because of a PMS emotional moment. (It happened and I can’t take it back.)  I won’t lie and say I don’t want it to end and parts of me holds on to hope it will magically all work out and I probably won’t move forward till I know it has officially died either way, it is what it is.

During this stressful time of school and school I had time one evening for a date on Saturday.  I didn’t know if I should go because of everything I had to do but I was reminded that I needed to balance my life more with this work.  I met Mr. Game Changer on match of course.  He isn’t my normal type in fact quite opposite, except for the fact he is really tall at 6’3″.  He is blond blue eyes and very Bostonian Irish (which I find charming).  He winked at me and I decided to write back due to our mutual interest in movies.  We conversed via email and text through Thanksgiving break.  We finally decided we had to meet and even though I had two group meetings and a presentation to work on I took Saturday night off.  Believe it or not with my lifetime of dating (especially online) I still get really nervous.  We decide to meet at a bar on Newbury Street at 7pm, and of course I am running extremely late due to wardrobe confusion.   On my way there I found my normal nervousness subsided due to actual exhaustion.  I was warned by classmates if he is a dud just leave and I made sure I had some back-up plans to get me away.

Once I walked in the bar, I was excited because it was a cute date place.  I thought “now this is a place where a first date should really be.”  Then I saw him and he was nothing like his pictures.  He recently lost weight and looked very nice and actually was casually dressed up (also a nice change.)  Then I did something I never do on a first meet and greet date, I immediately hugged him.  I apologized for being late and he was a gentlemen by stating it was worth the wait.  I order my Blue Moon beer and it begins.

First point of conversation football and his predictions The Patriots are going to the Superbowl, and my prediction they weren’t (I am good at picking Superbowl contenders.)  Next topic Lebron James and the coach situation.  I think he was very impressed I actually new my stuff and could keep up with him sports wise.  We continued talking about career choices then the bar changed from young and hip to Cougartown so we ended up at the Pour House.  I told him previously I didn’t like the bar because of a bad date some months back and he assured me it would be different.  So I bit and off we went.

I ordered some food and we started talking about music.  I told him I karaoke to Bruce Springsteen and he told me he could marry me now, but then I told him I could sing any Garth Brooks song and he took it back.  We talked films (both love Unbreakable), and he saw The Town twice I told him I laughed at it.  We go to the downstairs bar and all of a sudden I feel I am at a college bar, but it didn’t matter I definitely wasn’t the oldest one in the room.  We talked abut everything else in the world and jabbed each other about our accents. I noticed my body language changed.  I was leaning towards him and facing him. (I will not believe it is due to alcohol.)  Next thing you know it is midnight.  I gave myself a 10 o’clock curfew because I knew I had to be at school early the next day.  He walked me to the T and we hugged twice.  He later sent a text message stating that “that was the best date he has ever been on.”  I smiled.  He also said he wanted to kiss me but was a gentlemen.

Around 4 o’clock the next day he texted me again and we agree to watch Sunday Night Football at another bar.  I realized I was completely exhausted but it gave me a couple hours to whine down.  This date was even better.  I soon realized all the normal dating stuff was out the door.  I didn’t need to worry about holding my tongue or being too brass.  He got it and gave it right back.  There were no issues this.  He said a lot of McDreamy moments that night.

• Me: How much of this game have you watched

Him: I don’t think you realise you have 100% of my attention

• Me: Next semester will be really stressful for me. You caught at the end of the insanity.

Him: That’s ok that’s what I am here for.

Me: I don’t think you get it, I have six classes

Him: That’s what I am here for.

• Me: I am thinking of taking time off when I graduate and I want to go to travel the world.

Him: I will have time off I can definitely go meet you there.

Once the date ended he positioned himself for a kiss.  I told him “you really want to kiss me in front of a bar that is so cliche.”  We moved down to Christmas lit up bar and then next to the tennis and racquetball club.  I told him I am not a PDA person and he said he understood.  He doesn’t have the full lips I lam use to but the kiss was still very nice.  I got a text later that night stating he got butterflies from the kiss.

Why is he Mr. Game Changer because I usually go out with really artsy or really math type men, who don’t really know how to romance or just turn out to be jerks.  I never thought I could just find a nice guy or a guy who I don’t want to change.  It’s a nice change.