Archive for July, 2010

No dates were scheduled last week, but that doesn’t mean my adventure stopped.  On Wednesday I was invited to a flirting class for Friday night.  I must admit I didn’t know if I should be insulted or flattered.  I questioned if I needed help in the flirting arena.  I actually thought about it until Friday, and I asked around and everyone stated I have this website so why wouldn’t I go. I also remember some of my flirting techniques and realize I am the witty flirt a.k.a. asshole flirt.  My method tends to be find one thing on a guy and make fun of him for two minutes, and if he can keep up than we are good to go, and if he can’t, I got to move on.  I was told this is “too strong” of an approach, but my response has always been if he doesn’t like it then we won’t work because I am much nicer compared to the dunes my family throws out there.  Next thing you know I am signing up. Then I found out the class was sold out and I was put on the wait list.  Let me tell you, the wait list is always a great marketing trick for me because then I have to find out what exactly I am being denied from so,  I contact the instructor and 10 minutes later I am in.

I arrive for the class and was surprised by what I saw.  The men were attractive, and the women were pretty.  The people who you least expect to be in a relationship were in one and the gorgeous ones were not.  Basically, this is not a class full of fuglies.

The instructor has her PH.d in biochemistry and proceeded to tell us a story of how she was a successful woman in her early 30s with a disastrous love life.  She went on to figure out the brain component of flirting, but soon realized it the action also involved the body, and then the soul.  Apparently there are four levels to it:

1. conscious
2. unconscious
3. body
4. soul

At this point it all makes sense.  On a daily basis we do and feel things that run through all four sectors.  Did you know 90% of the body is run by the unconscious.  (I was a humanities major and a seeker, so this is the only fact I got for you. )I get it.  Then we get to our definitions.

Flirting: strategy for letting someone know that you maybe interested in a sexual relationship (body sharing).  It feels like positive energy that leads you towards someone else.

Seduction: offering something that you have no intention on delivering or teasing. It feels like a knot in your stomach and you feel like a sleaze.

OK. According to these definitions I am one of the biggest sleaze around.  I believe flirtation has sexual undertones, but it does not always have to do with sexual relationships. I have flirted with people at work, married people, women, bartenders, guys on the train, but I am not interested in a sexual relationship in about 90% of them.  My body sharing ain’t that easy.

While I disagreed with her on the definitions I agreed on a lot of the other things.

1. Change your attitude and find people interesting.  I think by opening yourself up to others instead of being judgemental you will get a lot more interesting stories.
2. Have energy when you flirt.  if you don’t think it will be a good night stay home because your energy is already negative. Positive energy welcomes people to make conversation with you.
   
3. What is sexy?  Walking around connected with your body.  Being comfortable with your body. Confidence.

I completely agree with point three.  I mean how many times have you seen someone you thought  they may not be the best looking person, but they are always on dates or getting numbers.  This person is really comfortable with who they are on a daily basis, and confidence is always shines through.  For this segment of the class the instructor had us walk around the tiny room and told us what are bodies look like when we walk.  She was right on with everyone else so I am assuming she is right on with me.  I had to walk in front of her 4 times. First she commented on my arms looking stiff. “You have great height and long beautiful arms, swing them.” Then we moved over to my face. “You have a great chin. You have beautiful eyes, and great hair. Hold your chin up higher.”  I thought I walked with my chin up but apparently not.  I did what she told me and the class clapped enthusiastically, it made the world of difference.  I have no clue what I did, but I now remember to walk with my chin up and my arms swinging. For others in the class men began to walk like models and it was very sexy. Women were told to stop hunching over and walk like women and if you didn’t have hips start swinging your waist around to create a confident motion.  I found this part of class the most helpful.

Flirting starts with feeling and being sexy,  The next step is to give your interests compliments.  I feel compliments should be earned not just said because it is Tuesday, but I am single so I need to give compliments.

Next:

1. Match their movements. If they shift you should shift also.  Not complete mimicry, but just copying some
2. Body alignment. When standing stay centered with them to keep focus and to add flirtation shift slightly out of the center or cock your head. Also slight touches to the  shoulder and arms. (I hate being touched if I don’t know you, so my response is no.)
3. Copy communication styles.  If they are using visual, auditory, or kinesthetic words. you should respond in the same manner to increase connection
4. Ask for what you want so everyone is on the same page.  Allude to being asked out if that’s what you want ladies.

Finally, understand REJECTION will happen.  She then taught us a self hugging tapping the arm thing to help get rid of the sinking feeling or tension in the shoulders that occur when your body responds to rejection.  After three minutes the movement actually worked. A feeling of sadness came over the room as people realized they still have to go out and practice these techniques and know rejection is imminent. We had to tap ourselves for 3 more minutes.

The class ended and everyone rushed out the door.  This week I will try out these new methods in talking with men. Positive attitude.

Be aware