Spring is finally here (even though snow flakes are coming down in Boston) and this hibernating bear is now ready to hunt.  I am kinda over the whole online thing especially since I feel too many creeps, assholes, sexaholics, and ,mentally disturbed men seem to find me.  Where am I going to find men, couldn’t tell ya.

In reviewing past posts I realize i seem to give the men too much power over the appearance of the date.  For instance, when Mr. Game Changer told me it was the best date ever and he got butterfly’s in his stomach from kissing me, these are two emotions I never got.  I didn’t walk away thinking it was the best date I just thought it was a good date and actually thought during the date we should have been just friends, and he wasn’t creepy.  After the kiss nothing jumped or moved in me at all.  I think I continued it because its good to get attention and I thought if I don’t get on board with these feelings I am going to miss out.  So I went in heart first, in reality it just never should have happened.  Between my instincts and little signs everything was pointing in the wrong direction, but I had to keep going because I didn’t want to miss out, I wanted to be in love again, and I wanted to be in a serious relationship.  In my mind I twist and bent as much as I could to make this happen, in reality it was nothing close to it.  I know it’s easy to say this in reflection but my friends and family were telling me since I got weird texts during the Christmas holiday to just leave it alone I didn’t and the whole thing went sour immediately.

I digress, the point is I know what I want and I know who I am and I know you can never make a guy fit into anything.  I now also realize my instincts are smarter than anything else I got and I have to trust them no matter what.  The power  begins and ends with me, and shall be reflected from that point here on out.

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