My journey through the dating jungle of Boston and looking good while doing it.
Ms. Gold
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Posts by Ms. Gold
Ms. Gold: Lessons Learned
Jun 10th
I have had a total of 5 first dates. Not as many as I would have liked, but it is something. What did I learn my first 4 months in my dating adventure? A whole lot actually.
He was cute, 2 inches shorter than me, made me go dutch on the meal, and tried to hold my hand afterwards. Opposite lifestyles: he is happy on a tractor with an Ipod and I am happy with a credit card trying on Fendi heels.
Lesson Learned: You definitely should not change for a guy . A kiss now and then is fine from a guy, but don’t waste your time with a guy you really don’t want.
He was a lot older than me, 3 inches taller, paid for the evening, and ate popcorn disgustingly during the film. No chemistry and no interest on my end.
Lesson Learned:
1. Make sure you really like a guy before you enter a movie theater with him. He might ruin the experience.
2. Accept appearance does matter. I don’t expect the guy to show up in a Tom Ford shirt and diesel jeans or even know who the designers are, but when your clothing looks like you bought it 20 to 30 lbs ago, then it is just a distraction. I can’t concentrate on anything else but trying to redress you in my mind, and sometimes even I can’t get creative enough to make you better.
3. If he brings up War of Witchcraft (or is it World of Warcraft? No matter) as a daily activity, or states “yeah my friends participate in LAIR” or his last girlfriend was 19 years old while he is 38–just know this will never work and try to leave as soon as possible.
4. The block feature is on a dating website for a reason. If he fits the 3 points I just described and still tries to contact you even after you explain you are super busy, HIT THE BLOCK BUTTON. It is a bitchy move but a great resource.
He was cute, an inch taller than me, ambitious, younger, and talented. This was a crash and burn.
Lesson Learned:
1. When a man cooks, and cooks something great, it is an aphrodisiac.
2. Hold off on the heavy liquor until you realize this guy is a great match.
3. I know I like aggressive men who still involve me in the decision making process. Once a man shows he is really too passive. I should just exit.
4. Stop serial dating if lessons 1-3 occurs. He won’t change.
Date #4: Woome.com
Lesson Learned:
Lesson Learned:
Not every site will fit my dating style.
He was cute, 4 inches taller, 1 year younger, and intelligent. He knows as much about fashion as I do. A lot of chemistry but more of a friend.
Lesson Learned:
1. Nice guys do exist
2. If on the first date you know you would make better friends than lovers, it is probably a good idea to move it there.
3. The power of the text. If a guy mainly texts you everyday and rarely calls, know this is most likely not going to last too long. He is putting in too little effort.
4. Go with your gut instinct.
I will take all these lessons and try to double my amount of dates this trimester. My goals:
1. Be more aggressive and start emailing on the dating website more.
2. Expand my search age-wise and height-wise.
3. Plan more first dates, and stop multiple dates.
4. Get a guy who understands my schedule. I have several projects going on. He is just one of them.
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Loading ...Ms. Gold Date #5: Mr. Smiles
Apr 22nd
Disclaimer: I am a little nervous to write about date 5 because we are still going out on dates and I don’t want to jinx it.
I agreed to go out with Mr. Smiles to a very nice restaurant in a couple of weeks due to our busy schedules, but a couple of days after he asked me out on a pre-date. A pre-date? Are you serious? I think I should be more cautious of him than him of me. After a couple of minutes of being in shock I agreed to it. (In my mind I was scared of a repeat from date 2 loud muncher and tight shorts.) I figured maybe he wanted to see if I was worthy of such an expensive meal. (Whatever!) I warned him that I just got home from the gym and I was not in the mood to be overtly cute (not very glamorous) and I was hungry. He laughed and said ok. So we went to get some beers and nachos at The Yardhouse.
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First off, I have a time issue. You tell me to be there at 7:00pm I show up at 7:15. Some people believe this shows a disrespect to others and I don’t value them or their time, but it truly isn’t the case, I just can’t be on time to save the life of me. So of course he shows up 15 minutes early, and tells me he is usually early all the time. I thought this can’t be a good match, I have dealt with men like this before and when punctuality becomes an argument you know it is not going to last. I finally arrived and he looked sweeter than his picture. Why do guys post pictures online of them looking hardcore as if smiling physically hurts them, so don’t expect them to do it? Let me tell you, he went from hardcore looking dude to Mr. Smiley. Nice full lips and a great smile- I will try to be on time next time.
Once we sat on the patio conversation flowed for 2 hours. Not a single moment of silence. We talked about everything from politics to online dating to living in LA. He also listened to everything I said from the corny to the most mundane story. Time just flew. We walked around for a while and he asked if he passed our pre-date. I smiled and said yes. I realized he was more nervous about the date than I was. We agreed to keep our original date the following week.
I must admit I saw this going into the friend zone after that night. We had way too much in common from our desire to live in NYC, to even checking the same websites about Blackberry news. Plus he was a really nice guy. You know the nice guy in your office who has a lot of girls as friends and you can hang with for lunch and happy hour, and think of some girlfriends you can set him up with, but you don’t think he is right for you because you don’t deserve such niceness? Yeah he is that guy. So why did I agree to go out again? I didn’t have a good reason not too. I always date guys who were exact opposites of me, so why not try dating someone similar to me or the nice guy.
So the “1st” date went from fancy restaurant to Cuban food and a pool hall. Plans changed as Cuban food was out and pool hall remained. We rescheduled for dinner another night. (A second date scheduled before the 1st date. First for me.) Honestly I don’t play pool and have never been interested. I told him I was nervous he said it should be fine, and he was a great teacher. Of course I was 15 minutes late for the date and he was 15 minutes early. We ordered our beers (I ordered a baby Guinness, they brought me a car bomb. This drink is not meant for the sober) and waited for the pool table. We talked with no holes in the conversation. I realized he really does smile a lot, and seems generally happy. He is a rare breed. We got our table an hour later and he kept his promise of showing me how to play pool well. He was nice enough to play with one hand and allowed me to redo shots. He even kept missing the 8 ball so I could win. (After the 20th time of missing the 8 ball I told him to put me out of my misery and put it in. He did.) We left the bar and walked around for about an hour. Non-stop talking. He finally walked me to my car where he changes the pre-date to the 1st date. I told him he can’t this is our 1st official date, and our second date is on Wednesday.
I am meeting him tonight at a local pizzeria at 6:30. He joked, “so I should expect you at 7:00?” I told him I would try my best for 6:45. The wait for the pizzeria is usually 2 hours. He doesn’t mind the wait and nor do I. Will see what happens.
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(No Ratings Yet) Loading ...Ms. Gold Date #4: Woome.com
Apr 8th
In continuing our experiment for 30 dates this year, the girls decided I should go on woome.com for 5 chat sessions lasting 3 minutes. This would count as one date. I was supposed to get this task done over a month ago, and I had no interest in it, but they reminded me I needed to catch up. I chose a name and posted a pic. A moment later I got my first friend request. On woome.com if you want to chat online you have to befriend the person first. I accepted, then a flood of other requests came in. The first woome chat session was with a 21 year old University of Arizona student. The 1st minute was about how beautiful I was and how he was shocked I didn’t have a boyfriend. (Ms. Green made a vodka-based drink for me. I realized I would need some alcohol to make it through.) We spoke for a couple more minutes about nothing and then I noticed the clock go past 3 minutes and I became confused by this and asked my woome partner what was happening. He advised me of the unlimited option also available. I told him quickly I needed to go. My rule was 3 minutes and I am out.
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The next woome chat was with a 45 year old man from New Orleans. Again the conversation began with how pretty I was and what were my plans for the night. I informed him I was going out with girlfriends. I shared I had a dog and worked in marketing. He wanted to know if I had ever been to New Orleans and I told him a couple of times. He invited me back to stay with him. I looked at the clock, dammit this conversation went on for 4 mins. I told him I had to go.
My third conversation was with a 33 year old man from Vancouver. He immediately came on the screen with a blurry camera. He claims it was his cam, but I think he did it on purpose. I looked at his photo- it was a group shot. (Mynameisgerard has a great post on the meaning of group shots as the profile pic, and I think he was dead on accurate for this one.) Again the first minute was about how pretty I am and he didn’t think he looked so great. I already wanna disconnect. I honestly don’t remember anything else after that. He did try to woome again the next day. I declined.
The fourth conversation was in a group chat. Why didn’t I do this in the 1st place. 1 minute per person. I spoke with 2 guys I was in and out. Nothing memorable. The final conversation was with a 33 year old man from Ireland. We actually spoke twice. It was six minutes of me loving the Irish accent and him claiming the American accent was better. Again nothing spectacular.
Honestly, I was not a huge fan of woome.com. I saw too many penis shots and I didn’t find anyone I wanted to speak with longer than 6 minutes. Nothing memorable. I deleted my account the next day. I say try it yourself and see what happens.
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(No Ratings Yet) Loading ...Ms. Gold Date(s) #3: The Chef
Apr 1st
I had a hard time writing this post about the Chef. I was a little too smitten with him and it blocked anything I wanted to say about him, or I didn’t want to jinx anything by writing it down, but as most things go, all good things must be confessed and the truth must be revealed. I met the Chef through an online dating site. After he contacted me I read his profile and thought his writing style was pretty cool. After exchanging some emails we began talking on the phone. We talked for 3 hours until 1am with hardly a pause in the conversation. He talked of his passion for cooking and goals for the future, and I talked about my passion for eating and how he made me hungry. It was a great conversation. The next night we had another 2 hour conversation. Finally a really nice genuine guy, I thought. So we agreed to a coffee date on Saturday evening. When we finally met I was immediately happy that he was way cuter than his profile pic, I mean way cuter. He brought me a delicious meal of truffles, sirloin, potatoes, and risotto. Believe me, he is definitely a 5 star restaurant cook. I could tell he was extremely nervous by the way his eyes kept wandering and looking down, and his excessive talking.
I realized I had to be the center of calmness to relax him. I smiled and joked a lot. It felt good to not be the nervous one on the date. We talked for a couple hours about our opposite childhoods, learning to drive, NYC, Cali, and my favorite subject: Italy. Then the best thing that ever could happen on a date did, the chocolate torte. As a surprise dessert he brought out a chocolate torte slightly melted which is even better. Excuse me, yes I said it, a chocolate torte. What does a girl do when a boy surprises her with dessert, start imagining what their children will look like. (Yes I know, I don’t want kids within the next 5 to 10 years, women’s revolution and all, but I am still a girl.) So he passed Date One with flying colors. After 5 hours of conversation we decided it was time to leave. No hug, no kiss just a simple goodbye. Hmm, I realized it might be heading to the friends category.
I was surprised when he called the next day and wanted to go out again. We met for desserts at his place, this time a stuffed apple pastry with almond ganache, nut clusters, and ice cream. (He later confessed it was Haagen-Dazs ice cream). Finally, a man who cooks and loves it, and doesn’t complain that I need to cook more because I have a vagina. We talked for another 4 hours this time about music (opposite taste) and sports (mutual love for basketball), and for the 1st time in my life I watched Adult Swim on the TV. (Aqua Teen Hunger Force is my new favorite show.) He was a perfect gentlemen and we hugged as we walked to my car. So I am thinking definitely the friend zone.
Update: After a couple of more dates including grocery shopping together, it finally happened. The kiss. He said I wasn’t giving the signs, and he wanted to take it slow. I will admit I am not use to such passiveness. As I once heard, men know how to build bridges and if they want to get fro A to B they will. Lets see how far this bridge goes.
Update 2: The bridge collapsed. I think this is one of those things I thought things were going in one way and they actually weren’t going at all in that direction. The passion a lynchberg lemonade can create in a girls head is never good to act on. Like I tell everyone who ask for dating advice. Keep it moving, and I will keep it moving.
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(No Ratings Yet) Loading ...Gold Worst Date: Daewoo
Mar 25th
I had been talking to this guy for a while. He was in the military, tall, bald, and cute. I likey. After planning and canceling, planning and canceling we finally met up for lunch. He shows up apologizing because he had boxing practice and got hit real hard. In the middle of his forehead was a huge black and blue bruise. It was right there for me to look at. I try to notice other features but his bruise was staring right at me. Than he started to answer my questions with “I don’t know how I feel about it you are the smart one you tell me.” After hearing that 5 times I was done. I reviewed some of our phone conversations and realized he was basically agreeing with my opinions and never truly offering his own. I soon became uncomfortable with the way he was staring at me, but blew it off as his response to me staring at his bruise.
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He had made the suggestion we should go to the movies and agreed he would follow me to the local cineplex. I watched as he got into his 1980s Daewoo and I knew at that moment it would not work out. I got in my car and head to the nearest freeway exit. I am 20 mph above the speed limit and I drive through a couple different suburbs and pay attention to every Daewoo on the road. My phone rings a couple of times, but I turn it off. I know I am the jerk in this situation but I couldn’t go through another second of this date. Every stimulation I got on the phone I completely lost on the date.
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(No Ratings Yet) Loading ...Ms. Gold Date #2: Spontaneous and Jean Shorts
Mar 18th
This was a spontaneous date. I was talking to the guy via an online dating site when he asked me out to a dinner and a movie at 9 pm, and the movie started at 9:40. I didn’t know much about the guy besides the fact he worked in the medical field and was a little older than me. I wasn’t even 75% attracted to him but I thought “Goldie, just live in the moment.” So I said yes and got in my car to meet him and zoomed to the theater that was 5 minutes away. I met him in front and couldn’t help but notice he was wearing jean shorts that were a little too tight and a little too bright. I was thankful we would be in a dark theater for a couple of hours.
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He bought the tickets and I bought the popcorn and drinks. Unfortunately, we arrived a little late and had to sit way in the front. I passed him the popcorn to hold and he took a huge chunk from the bag I heard a gulp and a burp. I understand we all burp, it happens, but I only saw the date going down from there. I decided to immerse myself in the film and forget about the man sitting next to me. At one point I felt his leg touching mine. I quickly changed positions to make sure it never happened again. The movie sucked– I was getting bored and having a hard time concentrating on the plot, but I made it through. When the film finished I agreed to have drinks with him at 12:30 am. I think I was trying to prove I was not a superficial person and he could be a nice guy but I just needed to be more open.
We arrived at the dive bar that had only 10 patrons. I ordered a beer and we headed to the patio/alley. I think I made a dating mistake when I said, “You mentioned you were divorced. How long have you been divorced?” For some reason he decided to unleash his whole dating experience. It was an interesting experience that included girls younger than me. Ok, these stories were worse than the movie. I continued to sip my beer. Then we moved from the stories about exes to the World of Warcraft. I am not a video game girl, and I usually don’t care if the guy is but for some reason this totally turned me off. Along with further discussions about friends who play live action vampire role play. At this point I am superficial and I don’t want to finish my beer. I am tired it is 2 am and I just need to go home. I felt I had to stay a little longer because he paid for the beer. I kept mentioning that it was getting late I needed to go soon. He proceeds to grab my hand and try to rub it. Now I am grossed out. I think in my head, PLEASE DON’T TOUCH ME. I pull it back, and say, “Okay, I am leaving.” We headed outside and I hug him goodbye and he grabs my ass. UGH seriously. He tries to figure out my schedule to plan another get together. I told him, “Well, give me plenty of time in advance so I can see when I’m available.” (But didn’t I just plan a date in 10 minutes with this guy?) Lesson learned. Be more selective.
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(No Ratings Yet) Loading ...Ms. Gold Date #1: Tractor Princess
Mar 13th
I met the Cowboy online he looked cute and chiseled, kind of my type (can kick someones ass in a bar) so I agreed to meet him for coffee after talking for a week. Of course, I was nervous as hell because I haven’t been on a date in almost a year. I show up and order a large tea first (next time sticking with small teas.) I could tell he was behind me in line but I was too scared to look. I got my tea and rushed to a chair in the corner. He joined me and I was pleasantly surprised his features are softer in real life than his pictures. We talked about how he grew up on a farm in the Midwest and how he is extremely happy on a tractor with an IPOD on a sunny day. OK, for anyone who knows me I am a city girl through and through. My nickname is The Concrete Princess. I don’t mind the country or even country music, but I don’t know nothing about no farms. I try to imagine myself being happy on the farm and raising children, but 5 seconds later I imagine having a second home in Paris instead.
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I soon realized we have nothing in common. After all this thinking and farm discussion I realize I am starving. We agree to go to a Mexican restaurant next door and continue the discussions about cows, bulls, and slaughterhouses. I found myself dumbing down as the discussion goes on. “Wait, cows are only girls.?” “What is the difference between cows for milk and cows for the slaughterhouse?” Honestly, I didn’t care about either. I paid half on the bill and then he walks me to my car. We talk further and then he goes in for the kiss. I didn’t know what else to do so I let it happen. We both had to go a few minutes later. I knew it would never work out. We talked a couple of more times but I decided it just needed to die out, and it has.
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