Ms. Purple

The Professor and I started talking online when he added me to his favorites, and I returned the favor by commenting on his profile. He traveled a lot for his job, so we had made plans two weeks in advance and we emailed each other almost every night before that. By the time we had met, I knew a lot about him, maybe too much. Whatever I didn’t know, google filled in the cracks. I found out he was leaving for the summer to teach at another university and I found information all about his relevant projects. Honestly, I knew too much, period–and for me to play it off like I was just getting to know him was going to be a challenge.

We initially planned for dinner, but every few days or so I’d get an email from my date suggesting alternate plans. He finally asked me to meet for drinks first. I thought, Wow, drinks and dinner? This is going to be a super-long date. What if I don’t like him after the first ten minutes? All you seasoned daters who are reading this can see what my future had in store for me, but I was completely clueless.

When we met he was cuter in person. We talked in the back of the restaurant for a while and he asked me about my job, where I lived, lots of basic questions- something I’m very familiar with as I tend to do that on dates myself. It’s a simple way to avert the attention on yourself, which is something I loath to do.

After we finished our drinks we headed out of the bar, I asked him if he was ready for dinner. He stopped, looked at me, and said, “Oh wow is it 8 already? You know, I’m just not feeling any sparks.”

I stopped for a second. “Huh?” It took me a few seconds to realize that the drink invitation was the test before moving onto dinner, and apparently he didn’t want to continue this date. Wow. Honestly, I wanted to pat my belly and say, “Don’t care! Momma’s hungry!” But I didn’t. So we said our awkward goodbyes and I sat in my car.

The first thing that went through my head is, “What did I do wrong?” Is it universal to immediately think that when someone isn’t interested in you? I think yes.

But when I think back to the guys I didn’t call back after the first date, there were tons of reasons why I didn’t pursue them. I wasn’t physically attracted. His personality wasn’t clicking with mine. He had a twitch. Touché.

So now, having been on the opposite end of the rejection stick, the big question is: do you prefer someone to tell you they’re not interested in you to your face, or would you rather receive the “thanks, but no thanks” email/text afterward? OR, would you rather not receive a call at all?

This is my first date where I was set up by someone for this project- by my little sister. She set me up with her fiance’s best friend. As I’m her maid of honor, she potentially set me up with the best man. He was a few years younger than me, but my sister said that we had a lot in common. I’ve actually met and talked with him before and he’s a nice guy so I figured, why not?

First of all, scheduling the date was a challenge. My sister was the go-between and was trying to set up a group date, but neglected to tell me that plans had changed. When I talked to her the day we were supposed to meet, she asked, “Didn’t he call you? What a noob!” (Short for newbie.) I texted her back asking if he had a girlfriend before. Her response: “No, he was traumatized from prom. That was six years ago.” Definite noob. Plus, my sister doesn’t have a good track record of setting him up with the best women; the last time she set him up the girl came out as a lesbian months later.

It was a week later that my sister, her fiance, and my date met up to go to an art gallery and walk around Little Tokyo. I was nervous, mainly because my sister had a lot of hope that we would click. They picked me up and I sat in the back seat with my date as we drove to the gallery. We made small talk, but it was clearly obvious that dating was not something he was experienced in. I tried to ask him some questions, and my sister was trying to get the conversation rolling by mentioning things we had in common.

I started to feel awkward; more so than on my previous dates. Why? I knew the guy; therefore there should be less pressure, right? But because we were being set up, it was an attempt to actively change our relationship from casual acquaintances to possible lovers. Ack.

On the way back to my place, The Noob made a goofy comment to something I had said. In a what I thought was an affectionately teasing tone, I told him to shut up. My sister later told me, “Purple, you don’t tell your first dates to shut up! I cringed for you, Purple. I cringed.”

Afterward we hung out at my place. It was fun, relaxed, no pressure. But that’s all it was. When it was time for them to go, no hug, just a wave, and that’s it. I haven’t heard from him since, nor was I expecting to. I didn’t call either. I guess you can’t force what’s not there.

The postponed Crazy Blind Date I was originally supposed to have on Valentine’s Day took place two days later. I met him at a coffeehouse in Hollywood that we agreed on. On CBD he said that he looked like Erik Estrada and that he was very funny. Lies! When we met, he seemed older than 32 as he stated on his profile. He wore manly leather slip-ons–you know the kind–the moccasin-type with tassels. Erik Estrada would not wear these shoes, I should know, I met him once when he was giving away free Bluetooth headsets. He may wear baby pink and brass buttons, but Ponch would never wear tassels. I looked at my own black Pumas with hot pink accents, and had a sinking feeling.

The coffee house was full and seating was intimate, but there was no way I was going to subject the other patrons to our first date, so I suggested we get our coffee “to go” and walk around outside for a bit. Another thing I’ve learned is that it’s less awkward if you have something to do besides stare at each other when the signs of date-doom start to appear.

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As we walked, we got to know each other. He really liked to read. My ears perked up and I asked him what were his favorites. His response: Self-help books. I asked which ones, and he ticked them off: leadership, how to lead a better life, and then I missed the rest because he mumbled them all. We moved on to movies and after he told me his favorites, I abashedly told him that the last movie I saw was “Twilight“. He looked at me gravely and said (no joke), “Oh, I don’t like those kind of horror movies.”

It was at this point we were getting close to Graumann’s Theater and my date started to get agitated. He exclaimed, “Wow, we’ve walked so far. I’ve gotten my exercise for the day. I’m going to be sore tomorrow- we must have walked at least a mile!” We had only been out twenty minutes. I should have known those tasseled shoes would do me no good.

Then he started to tug on the arm of my sweater asking, “How about we turn around?” It took me a minute to register the look on his face. It wasn’t disinterest; it was fear. The fear that he was going to get mugged in a dark alley in Hollywood on a Crazy Blind Date. We turned around and I dropped him off at his car and we parted ways.

As fascinating a concept as Crazy Blind Date is, I don’t think I’ll be using it anymore. I could finish this date challenge using CBD in no time, but it’s way too easy. Plus, there’s something to be said about the initial stages of attraction when you first meet someone and slowly build up to the date, whether in person or online. Anyone else try CBD? I’d love to hear your stories!

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My date in December was the second time I had met him; we actually had our first date back in September. But he didn’t contact me again until 2 months later- by email. As my co-worker said, “Don’t bother- he’s been sniffing around other girls!” He wrote and apologized for being a jerk for not writing me sooner. Which is fine, I understand completely– I’m a busy girl myself. So we made plans to go out again and explore the city.

I felt a bit dishonest when I met him- I had been out late the night before and learned a major “dating-don’t” lesson: Do not ask to cuddle with a guy you meet in a club. (When I found out that this barfly was a bad kisser, instead of saying, “Ok, you can go away now,” I asked to cuddle instead. Shut up, I’m rusty. What was even more surprising was that the guy actually agreed.)

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But back to Date #2. I hoped that he didn’t catch the lingering scent of cheap cologne that was still in my hair as we walked. I‘m sure you‘re wondering, “Purple, you dirty girl, why didn’t you shower before your new date?” Honestly, I didn’t have the time. Sometimes I schedule my weekends back-to-back.  I had a massage in the morning, an afternoon date, then dinner plans. No rest for the wicked!

The date was fun; mostly because we were doing something active as opposed to sitting face-to-face grilling each other with questions. He was also interesting- he always knew about the latest hi-tech gadgets that were coming out. We walked through the city, looked at some interesting local sites, but I think we mutually came back with the same feeling after the first date. He liked computers and hiking; I enjoyed research and training for triathlons. It just didn’t quite work between us; he loved Potter like I loved Twilight. We were similar, but just no sparks.

When the time came for me to call him back, all my projects and life in general  kind of caught up with me, and now the momentum and my romantic interest in him is lost. But we should have known this in September. This date confirmed it.

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